Do you find yourself constantly saying sorry? Having a difficult time figuring out how to stop apologizing in your life? No matter how much we try, we cannot please everyone. Constantly apologizing can be from chronic people-pleasing, from feeling guilty, dealing with past experiences, and much more.
Although apologizing can be a good thing in some cases, there are things we should not feel we should apologize for. When asking a question, do you feel the need to say I’m sorry? We may apologize out of fear of being unliked, but we need to learn to be more confident in ourselves and stop apologizing for things we should not be sorry for.
We may also choose to apologize because we are overly hard on ourselves. We must understand that everyone makes mistakes, so we should not be putting the blame on ourselves if we did not truly do something wrong. Here is a list of things that we tend to apologize for, as well as what else can be done instead of saying sorry.
Things to stop apologizing for:
- Asking a question
When we apologize for asking a question, we are invalidating ourselves. Have you ever heard the phrase, “there are no dumb questions”? We all must ask questions to evolve. Never apologize for wanting to gain knowledge or understand.
- How you feel
We should never have to feel sorry for having or expressing feelings. Do not minimize yourself in order to make others more comfortable.
- Not being there for everyone at all times
At some point you must be willing to be there for yourself and your needs. Focusing only on others can greatly increase anxiety, do not feel guilty for spending time on yourself instead of others.
Boundaries are healthy ways to help protect your mental, physical, and spiritual self, needs, and well-being. By apologizing for needing and upholding boundaries, you are only showing others that they can cross those boundaries.
No matter how close you are to someone, what others choose to do is their choice and not something that is in your control.
- Doing what makes you happy
We should never apologize for doing things that make us feel happy or what is best for us, as long as it is not harming anyone else. Doing what makes us happy allows us to live happier and more fulfilled lives, and that is nothing to feel sorry for.
Ways to stop overly saying sorry
- Understand why you apologize
Do you apologize because of lack of confidence, anxiety, or feeling guilty?
- Create new phrases to say instead of I’m sorry
Try saying things like excuse me, instead of sorry when you are in someone’s way. Try thanks for waiting instead of sorry for being late.
- Try using a different word
Instead of sorry try saying, excuse me, oops, or anything else that is similar.
- Address yourself when apologizing
We must understand when we tend to apologize to understand why we do it. Become more aware to change.
- Understand if over-apologizing is coming from past experience
Understand how you were raised and what those around you expected of you. Were your feelings validated, were you told to speak up? If not, this can be a huge reason for constantly apologizing.
Many of us do not like confrontation and feel the need to say sorry even when we did nothing wrong. Some of us say sorry as a filler word because we do not know what else to say. No matter the reason, constantly saying sorry can greatly diminish self-confidence and even increase anxiety.
Do you apologize for how you feel or when you ask someone a question? These are not things that we should be sorry for. Validate your feelings and your want to learn new things.
Take a second before replying and know whether it is something you should be truly apologizing for. Stop trying to please everyone around you and taking the blame for things you did not do. Frequently saying sorry is only holding you back.
Be unapologetically you! If you struggle with constantly apologizing or feeling like you always need to say sorry, reach out to a trained therapist for help processing these emotions so that you can reduce this stress and live a happier and more fulfilled life.
