Internal and external boundaries help us with the relationships we have with ourselves and with others. Internal boundaries are those we have with ourselves. What we do, say, think, and feel are our responsibility and our internal boundaries. What we do to take care of ourselves are our external boundaries. External boundaries are those we set to protect ourselves from others.
We are still responsible for our external boundaries and what we allow other people to do. This can be with who we accept into our lives, what we allow others to do, how we spend our time with others, etc. Boundaries can also help us grow our own identity.
Examples of internal boundaries:
Are you taking care of physical needs? Are you taking care of yourself medically? This could mean eating healthy, getting enough exercise, staying hydrated, etc.
- How we feel and show emotions
This can include allowing yourself to feel and accept emotions for what they are without scrutinizing. This can also be thinking before saying or acting on emotions. It is key to have boundaries with safely expressing emotions.
- What we allow ourselves to say no to
Many people-pleasers struggle with internal boundaries. Learn to say no to people and also to say goodbye to people and things that do not benefit your well-being.
- Keeping promises
This includes promises you tell yourself, such as achieving a goal, taking care of your mental and physical health, and much more.
- Challenging irrational thoughts
This means you will choose how to act on your thoughts, such as when you do bad on a homework assignment. Instead of telling yourself that you did not do good enough, instead think of ways you can do better next time and what you did good this time as well.
Examples of external boundaries:
- Where and how you spend your energy and time
This can be knowing when to not be around toxic people or even when you need time alone. This can also be not allowing yourself to put energy towards things that do not support you.
- What you choose to share with others
This can include not letting people know important information about you before gaining their trust and also, providing this respect to others around you.
- Communicating our needs and upholding other people’s needs
Our boundaries and needs are important. We cannot expect others to understand our needs if we do not communicate them. Communicating to others about their needs and boundaries is also extremely important.
- Taking responsibility for the actions we make
Knowing when to address problem behaviors can help us heal relationships we have with others.
Boundaries are important for navigating through life. It is important to understand the difference between internal and external boundaries and how they affect us. Therapy can help us to better understand our boundaries or those we need to put into place.
Have the respect for yourself to set and maintain boundaries that will increase your overall well-being. Boundaries not only help us but the relationships we have with others as well. Boundaries are a good way to get to know ourselves better as well.
Keep these types of boundaries in mind when thinking of what boundaries are right for you. Your boundaries may not look like other people’s boundaries. Our boundaries can be identified by reviewing what we have been through, what we do not want to happen again, how we feel about ourselves, and much more.
Understanding and creating boundaries take time. Hold yourself to upholding your boundaries once you have identified your boundaries. If you are struggling with setting boundaries, reach out to a trained therapist for help.
