You may have experienced gaslighting behaviors in a relationship or seen these tendencies in others, but have you ever stopped to think that you may be gaslighting yourself? Self-gaslighting can be from picking up tendencies we have learned from experiencing gaslighting from others.
Self-gaslighting can be from learning to suppress emotions. It can cause you to often question yourself, beliefs, feelings, emotions, actions, etc. Self-gaslighting can tear us down and cause us to feel worthless or less confident. Self-gaslighting can occur within any of us, but especially those of us who are considered “overly sensitive”.
In order to overcome self-gaslighting we must become knowledgeable of the signs and then acknowledge our feelings and experiences. Understand that your emotions are valid and that it is okay to express these emotions.
Signs of self-gaslighting:
- You believe that you should never make mistakes
You may make excuses for others, but you are not allowed to make the same mistake. You also think often about what you should have done or should be doing.
- Minimizing what you have been through
You keep your experiences to yourself and do not let yourself feel emotions. This often happens when someone causes you to self-doubt how you handle emotions. Have you been told you should not cry or show emotions after traumatic events?
- You have been told that you are too sensitive and believe this
You are not too sensitive, you are just internalizing the abuse of what others tell you until the point that you believe it yourself, so you invalidate your feelings.
- You assume the worst
You often think that only bad things will happen. This could be because you were told that you do not deserve good things to happen.
- You do not let yourself feel
You think that you should not be upset and tell yourself that you should not be sad or even happy in certain situations. This could be from being told that you should not be sad when a traumatic event happens or that you are being over dramatic.
- You tell yourself that it is just in your head
You may believe that there is something wrong with you, that you should not feel a certain way. You may have even been told that you are crazy, so then you start to believe it is all in your head.
Ways to stop gaslighting yourself:
- Ask yourself if you would talk to a loved one the same way you talk to yourself
- Use mindfulness to turn away from negative thoughts
- Use affirmation to affirm your feelings and experiences
- Understand if these are your thoughts or someone else’s
- Validate and try not to judge your thoughts
Self-gaslighting can be common in those who have experienced gaslighting in relationships or from loved ones. Understand that these thoughts are not always your own, but what someone else had put into your head so eventually you believe it yourself. Do not allow others to decide how you feel. Affirm your feelings, emotions, and experiences in order to overcome self-gaslighting.
Many of us are unaware that we are self-gaslighting, we tend to think that these are our own thoughts and that we do not deserve to be happy or that it is not okay to have emotions. This is not the case, and it is time to start addressing these self-gaslighting tendencies. If this was a friend or a loved one, would you speak to them the same way that you are speaking to yourself?
It can take time, but it is important to work on your self-image and how you view yourself and your emotions in order to overcome self-gaslighting. If you or someone you know is struggling with self-gaslighting, reach out to a trained counselor for help.
Therapy is a great tool to help recognize these self-gaslighting behaviors and can provide you the knowledge and tools to address these behaviors to help live a happier and more fulfilled life.
