Many of us become overwhelmed and stressed about things that we may not realize are out of our control. To live a happier and less stressful life it is important to understanding what is in and out of our control. Do you ever feel drained or that you are putting your energy towards the wrong things? This is most likely because those things are out of your control.
We spend a lot of time thinking and doing things to change certain situations, not understanding what our energy is going towards. In order to make progress daily, we must spend our energy on things that we can control.
Understanding what is in and out of our control can be challenging at times. Knowing the amount of control, we have over things can determine our happiness and quality of life. Learn to ask yourself if you can truly do something about the situation or not.
We face changes every day that are out of our control, such as the pandemic, closures of work or school, going back to work after being home for a while, political changes, etc. We must be willing to accept what we cannot control, and this is easier said than done. Take advantage of what you can control and keep a positive mindset. See the beauty in learning to let go of control.
Things that we cannot control
- People
- We cannot control people’s thoughts, feelings, actions, and beliefs.
- The weather
- No matter what is going on that may be of importance, we cannot change the weather or what the weather does.
- Time
- We may want time to slow down, speed up, or even pause, but we cannot change time, it will inevitably pass by.
- Death
- This is something we all wish we could control, but death is a part of life and no matter how much we want to control it, it will always happen eventually.
- The need for food, water, and sleep
- Our need for food, water, and sleep, as well as other important needs cannot be controlled. Make sure to always take care of but not control your needs.
- How others treat you
- No matter how much we want to control how others treat us, this is not something that we can control. Learn to accept how others view and treat you.
- The past
- Learning to let go of control of the past can be very hard for some people. We cannot change what has already happened.
- The future
- As much as we would like to think we control our future, this is not always true. We cannot control what others do around us, what sicknesses or deaths occur, etc. This means that we cannot control the effects of these situations on our future, only what we do about it.
Things that are in our control
- Your own thoughts, feelings, actions, and beliefs
- How you care for and speak to yourself
- What goals you set and work towards
- How you spend your time
- The effort you put into things
- The boundaries you set
- How you manage/cope with challenges
- The way that you treat others
- Who you choose to spend your time with
- Where you decide to use your energy
- Taking care of your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being
- Accepting new opportunities
- Being mindful and learning to love yourself
Steps to understanding what is in and out of our control
- Make a list of your cans and cant’s
- Remain flexible to change
- Do not expect a perfect outcome
- Strive for growth and happiness
- Be mindful and present
Learning to identify what you can and cannot control can be challenging. Some things definitely fall in the middle of what you can and cannot control. It can be extremely difficult for some of us to loosen the grip on wanting to control everything. Understand that you cannot control others or what happens around you, and that you can control what you do yourself, how you feel, or even how you react.
It takes time to learn to let go of control, so be patient with yourself. If you struggle with control, speak to someone you trust or seek out a therapist that you can talk to about how you are feeling. Try to remain flexible to change to grow and accomplish new things. Focus on being more mindful of the present and what you truly can and cannot control to live a happier and more fulfilling life.
