There is no sugar-coating adulthood, adulthood is hard. Being an adult can be very daunting. What job is going to make me successful, yet happy? What clothes or style reflects who I am but also makes me fit in? How do I make enough money to support a family? Am I going to be good enough? These are only a few of the extensive amounts of questions we ask ourselves. Comparing ourselves to others never goes away, but if we are constantly focusing on how others look or how much money they make, then we know we need to work on our own self-confidence in mid-adulthood.

 Being in your mid-adulthood can be extremely difficult and has us questioning ourselves even more. At this age we may be grieving our past, feeling bad for what we have not achieved yet, but we tend to not realize what we have achieved. There are many ways to help yourself gain self-confidence in mid-adulthood. This can include not comparing ourselves to others, accepting who we are, being proud of what we have accomplished, and much more. Know the signs of when you are lacking in self-confidence, what could be causing it, and when you may need to reach out to others for support.

Ways to gain self-confidence in mid-adulthood:

• Celebrate what you have gone through & accomplished

You have made it through all your bad experiences, as well as all the good. Be proud of yourself and celebrate how far you have come even with all that you have faced. Do not forget to feel accomplished even for the little things each day.

• Accept who you are

We are not meant to be like everyone else. Embracing who you are will build self-confidence and will have you excited to embrace this new chapter of your life.

• Take care of your mental & physical health and well-being

When facing obstacles throughout childhood and into adulthood, we learn to be okay with things, even when we should not. This is a sign that we need to work on our mental health and resolve any past traumas. Our mental health is greatly impacted by our physical health, getting exercise, and eating right not only helps our mental health but also physical health to feel better and more confident.

• Try not to compare yourself to others

This can be difficult because this is something we do daily without being aware. No one is living your life, and everyone is provided different obstacles and opportunities, so it is unfair to compare ourselves to others. When we stop comparing, we can start embracing our true selves.

• Focus more on yourself

Whether you are a parent, sibling, spouse, child, friend, etc., now is the time to put as much effort into yourself as you do others. No matter your roles and responsibilities, you have to be your own person in order to gain self-confidence. Take time for self-care, go to the gym, go get that coffee, whatever is safe and will help you feel more like yourself.

• Reach out to others for help & be kind to yourself

Life is hard and sometimes in order to focus on ourselves, we may need help from others. Talk to a friend, spouse, parent, or even a therapist about your self-confidence and what you need to work on to have the space to build on your self-confidence.

• Identify and challenge negative self-talk:

Often, we engage in negative self-talk without even realizing it. It can be anything from “I’m not good enough” to “I’m a failure.” These thoughts can be damaging to our self-confidence and well-being. Identifying negative self-talk and challenging it with positive affirmations can help in building self-confidence.

• Set realistic goals:

Setting goals that are too high or unrealistic can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure. Setting achievable goals can help in boosting self-confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment.

• Practice self-compassion:

Being kind to oneself is an essential aspect of building self-confidence in mid-adulthood. Instead of beating oneself up over past mistakes or failures, practicing self-compassion can help in moving forward and building resilience.

• Surround yourself with positive people:

Surrounding oneself with positive people who support and encourage can help in building self-confidence. Positive people can provide a sense of community and belonging, and their support can be instrumental in boosting self-confidence.

• Learn new skills:

Learning new skills or taking up new hobbies can provide a sense of accomplishment and help in building self-confidence. It can also be an opportunity to meet new people and expand one’s social network.

• Take risks:

Taking risks can be scary, but it can also be an opportunity to challenge oneself and grow. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone can help in building self-confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Signs we need to work on our self-confidence in mid-adulthood:

• You often think negatively about yourself
• You are overly critical even with accomplishments
• Focusing more on what you have not accomplished, instead of what you have accomplished
• Lacking in your own identity
• Comparing yourself to others
• Feeling like you are not enough
• & More

Causes of lack of self-confidence:

• Being belittled or made fun of in childhood
• Extreme amounts of stress & pressure to fit in
• Traumatic life events
• Being prone to native thinking
• Having impossibly high standards
• Having serious physical or mental illness
• Struggling with one’s identity

Having a lack of self-confidence can greatly impact our physical and mental health and wellbeing. We must take this time to work on gaining more self-confidence to feel good and proud of ourselves and pave the way for the future. Working on self-confidence can be daunting but take it one step at a time and day by day. Gaining self-confidence can be difficult when we are constantly criticizing ourselves, give yourself the compassion that you need during this time.

Remind yourself that everyone lives a different life and is going to go through life at a different pace than you. Slow down and enjoy the moment and all that you have accomplished. Understand the signs of when you need to be working on your self-confidence more and do not be afraid to reach out to others or a therapist for support. Remember, building self-confidence in mid-adulthood is a journey, and it takes time and effort. However, it is an essential aspect of well-being and can help in achieving one’s goals and living a fulfilling life.