Many of us are unaware that we as individuals do not always have the same love language. We can also have more than one love language. A love language can show our partner in what way that we prefer to be shown love. We typically do not have the same love language as our partner. This can make it difficult to communicate, apologize, or show that we care/love them. When we are unaware of our partners love languages, it can create problems within the relationship. It may be helpful to start going through each of the love languages to see what your partner responds to the most. When we can speak our partners love languages, we are able to show them we care and also strengthen the relationship.

The 5 types of love languages:

• Acts of Service

This can be wanting your partner to take on tasks to reduce your workload. With this love language you find it caring or thoughtful when your partner does chores or cooks you a meal.

• Quality Time

When you prefer quality time, this means that you feel loved when your partner gives you attention or chooses to spend time with you instead of with others. Quality time consists of undivided attention, such as no phones and fully and actively listening to what you have to say. When your partner chooses to always be on their phone, this can make you feel unloved.

• Words of Affirmation

When this is your love language words make you feel loved. This can be words of affection or encouragement or simply saying I love you can make you feel more loved.

• Physical Touch

This love language can mean that you feel loved when your partner kisses you or holds you often. Some people with this love language enjoy PDA and want to feel safe and protected.

• Receiving Gifts

With this love language you may enjoy receiving meaningful or personalized gifts. Gifts can be as simple as giving your partner their favorite tea or coffee when they are tired or not feeling well. With this love language, it is the little things that matter.

Examples of the quality time love language:

• Get a couples massage
• Cook a meal together without interruptions
• Snuggle n bed for a while with your phones on silent
• Book a room at a hotel for the weekend
• Go on long walks together
• Go to an event that your partner is interested in

Understanding your partners love languages can be tricky and take time. Being willing to understand their love language shows that you care and will significantly strengthen your relationship. Try not to become overwhelmed with understanding their love languages, just start by slowly incorporating things that relate to each love language to see how they respond. Sometimes we need extra help better understanding our partner and what they want. If you and your partner struggle understanding each other, couples therapy is a great tool to better understand each other and learn communication skills as well.

 Remember that a person can have more than one love language and that not everyone reacts to love and affection the same way. For some people, accepting love and affection from a partner can be difficult and can take time to build trust and feelings of safety. If you partner prefers quality time, learn new ways that your partner would like this quality time, such as staying in and cooking a meal together, choosing to cancel plans with friends to spend time together, or going for a long walk. Remember that relationships should not be one sided and if your partner does not understand your love language, help communicate to them what it is that you need or want from them. It is okay to ask for love that relates to your love language, and it is okay to ask your partner to be willing to work on better understanding each other and building your relationship.