The winter season can be filled with excitement, cheer, celebration, and loving time with family. It can also be filled with anxiety, guilt, and just overall exhaustion. Holidays can be hard, sometimes we have different beliefs, sometimes we have to split holidays between families, and sometimes we may just want to stay at home. A great way to have a more enjoyable season is to start practicing setting boundaries with family. Boundaries are the limits we set with others and if boundaries are set, it is important to stick to them. Sometimes our families expect way too much from us. It is okay to say no in order to focus on your mental health and wellness. We may feel guilty about boundaries in the beginning, but boundaries are a great form of self-care.
Tips to setting boundaries around the holidays:
- Say how you feel & be honest
When we are setting boundaries, we must know how we feel to address the situation. This can be when some family members have different beliefs, so you create a boundary saying, “these people make me uncomfortable with these beliefs, so I’d prefer not to be around them for the holidays”.
This can be a very hard but powerful boundary to learn. Sometimes trying to be nice and protecting yourself is not realistic. Learning to say no without guilt can greatly help us protect our mental health and well-being.
- Ask yourself if you are meeting your needs
Boundaries are set to help achieve your needs instead of focusing on others needs. Check-in with yourself when creating boundaries to see if the boundaries are meeting your needs or if you may need to create other boundaries.
- Be the responsible person that you are
Sometimes all out family can see is a young naive person that usually drops everything for everyone else. Set a boundary to show others who you are, what responsibilities you have, and the importance of doing what is best for you around the holidays.
It is very stressful when having to juggle time between multiple families over the holidays. Each family can have different expectations and beliefs. These expectations take a toll on your relationship, so it is important to be on the same page with your partner and be willing to support each other in these boundaries.
- Create plans in advance
If you create a plan, it is easier to set and stick to your boundaries with family. This also gives you time to prepare and feel less stressed.
Examples of boundaries to set with your family during the holidays:
- Do what is best for you
- Saying no when needed
- Choosing to stay home with your small family instead of spending time with extended family
- Choosing where you spend the holidays
- Being open about beliefs and not wanting to be around certain beliefs
- If you have kids, how many gifts are allowed, if any
- How much time will be spent around family
- Not being the only one who cooks for a large gathering
- Financial expectations
- Setting time with your partner
- Creating time for self-care
- & Much more
Understand that boundaries are healthy. Boundaries are key to staying motivated, not burnt out, and happy during the holiday seasons. If you are someone who does not believe in holidays and prefer not to celebrate, that is okay. Do not let your family choose your beliefs and how you decide to spend the season. Sometimes grief and what used to be is too much for individuals around the holidays and that is why they do not want to celebrate. Be willing to set boundaries for your own health and well-being, but also be willing to help others set and stick to their boundaries as well. Be kind to yourself and others during this time, it is okay if things do not work out as perfect as planned, as long as you are focusing on your needs and those closest to you.
