Many of us have experienced some form of dysfunction growing up. There are also some of us that grow up in a household where this dysfunctional level is much higher. High levels of tolerance to dysfunction fosters a negative environment for growth. The more we experience this dysfunction, the more we must adapt to it to protect ourselves.
This adaptation can lead to negative coping mechanisms, bad behavior problems, and can create a negative impact on who we are in the future. Growing up in a dysfunctional home can cause us to feel unwanted, unheard, and that our needs are not being met. This all creates a high tolerance to dysfunction and makes us feel almost calm in dysfunctional situations and unable to create and maintain boundaries out of guilt.
Reasons for a high tolerance to dysfunction:
- Having parents with addictions, use substances, gambling, or even a sibling with an addiction that is not addressed.
- Being responsible for taking care of your siblings or even a parent, instead of being the one that is taken care of by them.
- Having parents that are not around and assume that you can take care of yourself.
- Experiencing trauma and being ignored or told that you are fine.
- Having a sibling with destructive behaviors that you get blamed for or ignored for.
- Having divorced or separated parents that you have to care for, take sides for, or argue for.
- Excessive rules because of beliefs or religion that are overbearing and have excessive consequences.
- Being used to being abandoned or abused and feeling like or taught that it is normal.
- Being told that your needs are unimportant and that you are not good enough.
A toxic environment can cause:
- You to struggle with your identity
- You to lack the ability to create and maintain boundaries
- You to make yourself emotionally distant
- A fear of confrontation
- A high tolerance to dysfunction
- An attraction to toxic relationships
- Guilt or blame in yourself
- Depression
- PTSD
- Eating disorders
- You to not remember your childhood
- You are a chronic people-pleaser
- Low self-esteem
Therapies that can help overcome growing up in a dysfunctional and toxic environment:
- EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy)
- CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy)
- IFS (Internal family systems therapy)
- Group therapy
- & More
EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) can be extremely beneficial when trying to heal from a toxic and dysfunctional family and the trauma it has caused. These types of therapy can help you express your emotions, overcome grief, face forgotten trauma, and much more. Be aware of the reasons for a high tolerance and if you identify with any of those reasons.
Also understand what these toxic environments can do to you and your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. If you struggle with a high tolerance to dysfunction, you may be a chronic people-pleaser or struggle with setting boundaries. If you are having a hard time with having a high tolerance to dysfunction, reach out to a trained therapist for help.
A therapist trained in EMDR, CBT, or IFS therapy can greatly help you through this process and create ways to help you overcome the effects of these toxic environments. Group therapy is also a great option for those that need support from others who have experienced similar toxic environments. Growing up in a dysfunctional environment ca be difficult and cause lifelong psychological effects, take the next steps to heal from past dysfunction and trauma in order to live a happier and more fulfilled life.
