Every relationship requires healthy boundaries. What are boundaries? Personal boundaries establish ideal limitations on how others can behave in your presence and interact with you.

Certainly, your boundaries are violated at some point in your life. Maybe a loved one uses certain language that was unacceptable toward you. Perhaps someone invaded your privacy by asking you a rather personal and/or private question you considered inappropriate.

What are your healthy boundaries? How does one show others where you draw the line? Once your lines are clear, they benefit you and others around you.

Consider these areas in determining your personal healthy boundaries:

Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries include space. There are certain people whom you may feel comfortable standing much closer to than others. Your partner can stand closer to you than an acquaintance, and an acquaintance closer than a coworker. Maybe a coworker is permitted to be closer to you than a stranger off the street.

• Touch. There are certain people you permit near you, and others you do not. Some people can touch in some places, conversely others not as much or at all. There are more people you will handshake with than you will allow them to graze your face or an intimate a part of your body.
• Violence. Is grabbing aggressively, okay? Hitting?

Privacy

What are you willing to share with a specific person? Financial information? Health issues? Family issues? Your hopes and fears?

• There is material that you may willing to share with certain people and not with others.
• There also are topics you do not want to listen to about from certain people. For instance, you almost certainly do not want to listen to about your mom’s sexual escapades or your boss’s hemorrhoids.
•  Generally, do you expect your secrets to be respected? Do you respect other’s secrets and respect their privacy? Do you expect your family to share your personal life with extended family, or do you wish to keep that information in the private circle that you have allowed in?

Language

Do you allow others to say vulgar things around you? Sometimes? Who? How does one allow others to communicate to you? Are you open or closed off to allow them to criticize you? At what quantity are you accepting/not accepting of disrespect would you permit? Would you permit someone to yell at you?

These are just three sorts of boundaries. What other healthy boundaries are you able to think of?

• Punctuality. How long will you expect someone before you are feeling disrespected?
• Borrowing and sharing items. Would you loan someone your lawnmower? Allow them to eat food off your plate? Loan them money?
• Meeting your kids. When is meeting your kids acceptable?
• Coming to your workplace. Would you allow your friends and family to visit to your workplace?
• Other boundaries?

Making your boundaries clear to others:

Being patient and fair

It is not fair to expect anyone to be a mind reader. At a similar time, you should not have to be compelled to tell anyone that punching you in your face is off limits.

• You can state many of your boundaries up front. But several your boundaries with a given person will not be identified until they are crossed. Patience. It may take time for another person to learn about all your boundaries. Also respect that other individuals have boundaries of their own.

Be assertive when your boundaries are crossed

When someone crosses each of your boundaries, calmly and clearly explain what you expect from them in this situation. Make your boundaries reasonable, but clear to others. If others know where you stand on certain topics, there is less likelihood for having confusion or miscommunication. It is possible to possess boundaries that are too strict.

Be willing to voice, “no.”

Let others know once you do not have the interest or time to participate in something. It is okay to say no to offers. People respect someone who is willing to voice “no” occasionally. Healthy boundaries are limits on what you will accept from others. Avoid falling victim to the tendency to attempt to make everyone else happy. People who have not worked on identifying boundaries can misconstrue healthy boundaries as being selfish, which is entirely from the truth. Try saying “no” to someone today. The universe will not come to an end.

Avoid feeling guilty

It is rare that an individual’s boundaries are overly strict or are unreasonable. Regardless, these boundaries must be followed. The alternative is typically true. There is no reason to feel guilty about having whatever boundaries you select to hold. Others will adapt.

Be honest about what you would like from others

What you would like is another style of boundary. It is the minimum you are willing to tolerate to uphold the connection. It is a minimum boundary rather than a maximum boundary.

The Power Your Personal Healthy Boundaries

Personal boundaries are important for several reasons. They function as barriers to guard your self-esteem. They are also tools for establishing limits with others and communicating that you simply will not tolerate certain behaviors. Those without personal boundaries commonly find yourself in not the most ideal situations and relationships.

Without limits, you are a victim to the whims of these around you. Personal boundaries are about having respect for yourself and demanding that respect from others.

Establish healthy boundaries with these tips:

Value yourself

You have got the power to establish your own boundaries as you see fit. There are very few people in our lives that will treat you better than you are requiring, so take responsibility for taking care of yourself. Unfortunately, nobody else will take responsibility for your well-being.

Define yourself

Decide who your authentic self is, what you would like to be, and the way you should be treated. What are you willing to just accept from others? What are you not willing to accept? If you do not define yourself, the remainder of society will attempt to dictate it for you. And you will not be fond of that.

Place a priority on yourself

Others are important, but they are not to any extent more important than you. If you are taking care of yourself first, you are in an exceedingly better position to be available to take care of others. Burning yourself at both ends for others really is not helping anyone. You will be a more centered parent, spouse, and employee if you are taking excellent care of yourself.

Consider where you would like to establish those limits in your life

Maybe you would like to place an end to volunteering your only free time to others on Saturdays or stop accepting emotional abuse from your boyfriend. Maybe you are just too willing to loan money to folks that will never pay you back. You get in life what you are willing to tolerate. What are you not willing to tolerate?

Be flexible

You do not need to follow a rule 100% of the time. Decide who and what you would like to let in and what is best to stay out. Studies have shown that individuals with some flexibility in their personal boundaries tend to possess to best combination of happiness and success. Being too rigid are often even as problematic as being too lax.

Communicate openly

When people cross your boundaries, it is up to you to tell them. persistently, this is often as simple as refusing an invitation. You will be not obligated to anyone but yourself, and others may not like that, but that is their issues and boundaries to resolve themselves. Others are unable to offer you what you wish if you do not provide feedback.

Having boundaries is an exercise in caring for and respecting yourself. You have got the authority to expect a particular level of respect and consideration from others. This may be difficult for some people, and would be to seek out trained experts who can help you navigate your path.

If your lack of your personal boundaries is creating challenges for you, now could be the time to venture in taking better care of yourself.

Adequate boundaries do not seem to be only good for your self-esteem and general mental wellbeing, rather for all other aspects of your life. All relationships have boundaries, but all relationships and limits are unique. While several your boundaries may apply to all or any relationships, other boundaries will vary greatly.

Your relationships fulfill a purpose in your life. The value of getting that purpose fulfilled is just too great if it means sacrificing your boundaries within the process. You may also put yourself in an exceedingly better position to be available for your friends and family.

A Beautiful Soul Holistic Counseling provides a holistic counseling approach to help clients achieve optimal health and wellness. 

We serve Chandler, Gilbert, and Greater Phoenix areas. We offer the following services: Individual/Couples/Group Counseling for Anxiety, Autoimmune Conditions, Behavioral Issues, Child Counseling, Chronic Pain, Coping Skills, Depression, Divorce, Emotional Disturbances, Infertility, Infidelity, Integrative Mental Health, Marital and Premarital, Obsessive-Compulsive (OCD), Parenting, Peer Relationships, School Issues, Self Esteem, Stress Management, Trauma/PTSD, Weight Loss, Women’s Issues.