Do you fear that you may be experiencing or have a difficult time understanding codependent in relationships? Codependency is an unhealthy relationship where an individual becomes extremely dependent physically, emotionally, etc. on another person (Selva, 2018). Codependents can be easily caught up in taking care of their partner that they ignore their needs altogether. This creates a severe imbalance of power in a relationship.
 One person gives all their time and energy, while the other person takes advantage of this time and energy. The codependent in the relationship can then lose their own sense of identity. Codependency can make an individual feel solely responsible for their partners actions and/or feelings.
With codependency, one’s needs become more important and the main priority over the other persons needs. This is unhealthy and everyone deserves to have their needs and feelings validated. It is important to not let caring for others make you lose your identity, purposes, or goals.
Here are signs of codependency overall
- Having little to no boundaries
- Unable to say no to others
- Feel that they must take care of their partner
- Denying their needs and feelings for the sake of their partner
- Having difficulty expressing emotions
- Fearing abandonment
- Narcissistic behaviors
- Have low self-esteem or worth
Codependent relationships can look like
- Feeling like you need to care for and save them
This means the individual takes on the caretaker roll in the relationship and may have excessive responsibility.
- You find it difficult to focus on yourself
Because of needing to address the needs of your partner, self-care and addressing your own needs are no longer important. It may also seem difficult for you to be away from your partner.
- You have anxiety or stress when they are away
When your partner is gone you always have to reach out for reassurance and for them to answer their phone. You constantly look for bad outcomes or mistrust when they do not drop everything to answer your calls.
- You think that your needs are unimportant or too much
You focus so much on your partners needs that you feel bad, guilty, or even afraid to have needs, emotions, or wants.
- There are no boundaries on your end or within the relationship
You want to do everything to please your partner and fear rejection or that they may leave so you have no healthy boundaries in place to protect yourself or the relationship.
Tips to Gain a Better Understanding of Codependency in Relationships
- Let go of any attachment you have to people or things
- Seek out happiness on your own
- Identify your own wants and needs
- Learn to self-soothe and calm yourself in stressful situations
- Understand that not everyone is there for your happiness so be there for yourself
- Create self-validation
- Reexamine your worth and values
- Set healthy and important boundaries
It is important to develop an understanding codependency in relationships. Intense power dynamics are not healthy for any relationship. If you struggle with being codependent, reach out to a therapist that is trained in working with codependency or personality disorders. Managing life and relationships as codependent is extremely tiring and toxic. Focus on your own worth and do not let others define this worth for you. Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s. Creating happiness and trust within relationships and try to keep an open mind. Understand that attachments are unhealthy so learn to not become overly attached to people, places, objects, etc. You are worth the time, effort, and energy that you put into everyone else.
