Many of us who have faced abandonment have not properly processed these experiences. Unprocessed symptoms of abandonment can greatly increase the chances of self-abandonment. Self-abandonment can be hard to understand. Self-abandonment can be when we ignore our need for rest, in order to be there for someone else.
Sometimes we may feel that our needs should not be met or that it is not possible to meet them. This can stem from not having our needs met by others or being told that our needs were less important than someone else’s. Self-abandonment can include ignoring our beliefs or feelings to fit in.
Signs of self-abandonment:
You may have high standards for yourself, such as achieving a certain job in your 20’s or looking a certain way. This can lead you to saying bad things about yourself and always bringing yourself down.
- Hiding how you feel
You may think that you should not feel a certain way or that your feelings do not matter. This can make us ignore or avoid our emotions and feelings.
- Needing to please others
We may search for approval from others and ignore our needs to please them. This can be when a friend thinks you should not work a job even if it is something that you would enjoy, so you listen to them.
No matter what you do, it never is enough. You may also set these expectations already telling yourself that you will fail.
- Needing a codependent relationship
This allows us to continue to self-abandon by putting all our energy on someone else’s needs. This also makes it to where we do not have the time or energy to focus on our own needs.
How to stop self-abandoning:
This can be hard, but will help to stop only focusing on others and start focusing on ourselves.
- Stand up for what you believe
Standing up for yourself is important, no matter what someone has taught you in the past, your beliefs and values are important.
- Show up for yourself
Start following through on your goals and address your own needs daily.
- Be kind to yourself
Your emotions, feelings, and experiences are valid and important so treat them that way.
- Allow yourself to be 100% you
No matter what others think, stop altering who you are and are meant to be to make others happy, take time to figure out who you truly want to be.
When we grow up being taught that our needs are not important or that what we go through does not matter, this greatly affects us later in life. When our caregivers do not show up for us or support us, it can make it hard for us to realize that we should not treat ourselves the same way that we were treated by others. Self-abandonment can be as simple as telling ourselves that we are not pretty enough.
This may seem like something little at first, but then you will find that you are not taking your needs seriously or ignoring your needs all together. Learn to set boundaries to address your own needs instead of the needs of others. Be kind to yourself always and show up for yourself like you would for others.
 You deserve to be treated with kindness and have your needs met, try not to think of yourself as anything less than. Your physical, mental, and spiritual health and well-being are all extremely important. If you struggle with self-abandonment, reach out to a trained therapist for help in addressing these behaviors and actions.
