You know that feeling of exhilaration when you start talking to someone new? It is exciting to feel the pleasure when you open a new text message or uneasiness in your gut before you go on a date. At the same time, opening yourself to someone new puts you in a vulnerable position. When you start dating, you also open yourself to rejection or being hurt. It is always challenging to manage your anxiety while dating.

And sometimes, it becomes so easy to focus on the potential rejection, or other fears, that we forget to enjoy the experience of dating.

That nervousness you feel is called dating anxiety.

Completely normal interactions start poking at your internal insecurities. You start questioning what you should say:

• Should I wait a couple of days before following up?
• Did I say that?
• How can I craft the perfect text message?
• Should I just cancel the date?
• What if this person does not like me?

These questions can take you away from the dating experience.

When you feel anxious, remind yourself…

To be yourself

There is no benefit to hiding who you are! Your anxiety might want to hide parts of who you are to keep you safe. Keep in mind that if you end up dating someone long-term, they will learn about your quirks anyway.

Everyone feels anxious and nervous

It is a common, human emotion to feel anxious! If you find yourself in a loop of anxious thoughts, remind yourself that every human has thought something similar at one point or another.

You can make the choice

Instead of worrying about what your date thinks about you, shift your frame of mind. Try to focus on what your goals are for the dating experience. Ask yourself: what does my date bring to the table?

Follow these tips to manage your dating anxiety

Separate facts from feelings

Your brain might be hardwired to think that being rejected by your date means that you are unlovable. But is that a fact? Practice sorting through facts and your feelings.

Do you have any proof that your thoughts are true? If so, what is the worst that could happen?

What is another, more positive way you could look at the situation?

Be transparent

Let your date know if you are feeling anxious or nervous! The feelings you are experiencing are human. And you never know – your date might share their own feelings of nervousness, too!

When feeling the anxiety, take a moment to focus on your environment

This action helps bring you to the present and calm your feelings.

• Breathe.
• Acknowledge negative thoughts and move on.
• Appreciate five things that are around you.

Accept yourself

Your anxiety might stem from low self-esteem. Build your self-esteem and your acceptance of yourself! Focus on things outside of dating like friendships, family, and hobbies.

Share your needs or expectations

What goals do you have for dating? Share any needs, expectations, or goals upfront.

Learn to identify the fear you feel

Does your anxiety come from fear? It is important to identify fear as it comes up and avoid making decisions based on fear.

• Avoid pretending you are someone else because you fear being rejected (or accepted).
  
• Avoid pushing someone away because you fear they might not be interested in you.

Enjoy the experience!

Sometimes the anxiety we feel causes us to focus too much on the outcome that we forget to enjoy the experience. Remember to allow yourself to enjoy dating. Challenge yourself to have fun – no matter what.

• Notice positive things as they happen, like your date’s smile
  
• Ask yourself, “How can I enjoy this moment?”

Anxiety can amplify the stress you feel. But anxiety does not have to control your life!

Practice managing your anxiety by bringing yourself to the present and finding positive things around you. Learn to identify your feelings like fear so you can learn ways to manage that fear.

Above all, enjoy the ride!

A Beautiful Soul Holistic Counseling provides a holistic counseling approach to help clients achieve optimal health and wellness. 

We serve Chandler, Gilbert, and Greater Phoenix areas. We offer the following services: Individual/Couples/Group Counseling for Anxiety, Autoimmune Conditions, Behavioral Issues, Child Counseling, Chronic Pain, Coping Skills, Depression, Divorce, Emotional Disturbances, Infertility, Infidelity, Integrative Mental Health, Marital and Premarital, Obsessive-Compulsive (OCD), Parenting, Peer Relationships, School Issues, Self Esteem, Stress Management, Trauma/PTSD, Weight Loss, Women’s Issues.