Sometimes we may not know the difference between possessive and protective behaviors with our partners. Sometimes we may want it to be protective when in reality it is possessive behaviors. When someone is protective, they may check on you, make you feel loved and safe, and make sure that you are okay physically and emotionally. When someone is possessive, they may create distance between you and family or friends.
Possessive partners will lower your self-esteem and/or worth Even though this may seem noticeable, it can be done slowly to trick you into believing that they are just protective or helping you. Dealing with a possessive partner can become exhausting and harmful towards your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Take control over these situations to protect yourself and/or those you love. Be mindful of the difference between being protective and possessive.
Understanding the Difference Between Possessive and Protective Partners
Signs of possessiveness:
- Not letting you go anywhere alone or without them
- Decreasing your connections with friends or family
- Make you spend all of your time with them
- Lack of trust
- Do not want you to speak to anyone of the opposite gender
- They give you ultimatums
Signs of protectiveness:
- Have your best interest at heart
- Give you undivided attention during important conversations
- Keeps up on you and makes sure that you are okay physically and emotionally
- They defend you when necessary
- Honest with you about your friendships but lets you make your own decisions
- Helps you focus on what is important to you such as school, work, health, or family
- Provides support for your needs
- Encourages independence
Possessiveness can cause:
- Anxiety
- Stress
- Lack of self-worth
- Physical symptoms caused by stress
- Creates avoidance behaviors
- Causes you to feel trapped
- Bad behaviors or irritability within yourself
- Domestic violence/psychological or emotional abuse
- Depression
- Social withdrawal
- Anxiety or eating disorders
- Lack of trust
- Problems with sleep
How to address someone who is possessive
- Talk to them about your feelings and be open and honest, sometimes they are unaware of how they are acting
- Talk to your partner about the behaviors that are concerning to you without arguing
- Understand and explain your needs as well as theirs
- Create times for alone time
- Be realistic about the damage caused by the possessiveness and if it is healthy
- Get support from friends and loved ones
- Seek support from a trained counselor or social worker
- Be willing to stick up for yourself and know when to walk away
- Do not support or avoid their behavior
- Be kind to yourself when learning to navigate someone who is possessive
There are big and noticeable differences between possessive and protective partners. It is important to understand these differences in order to protect yourself from any unhealthy relationships. Sometimes people are not aware that they are being possessive, so introduce your concerns to them.
It is okay to want someone who is protective because they can be supportive as well, but it is important to know when these behaviors become more possessive. Make sure to have space and time to yourself in relationships and focus on each of your needs.
If someone is unwilling to compromise with your needs, then they are probably more possessive than protective. Possessive relationships can lead to physical, mental, and emotional abuse. If you are dealing with a possessive relationship, seek help from others.
Therapy can be a great option to talk over your emotions and feelings when it comes to being in a possessive relationship. Know what is right and best for you and do not feel bad for taking care of yourself in unhealthy relationships.
