Is your family toxic? Sometimes we do not have the connection and relationship we would like to have with our family. Being around family should not be stressful, but more peaceful, and this is not always an option for many people.
For some people, their families are people that they would like to avoid or avoid all together because of triggering past trauma or anxiety, being treated like they are not good enough, or even growing up parenting their parents. These toxic relationships can be with parents, siblings, cousins, etc.
When our families are toxic to us, they typically do not see these bad behaviors within themselves and may even blame you for their actions or for not being around. There are many signs of having a toxic family member, such as blaming you for their behaviors, they belittle you or make you feel like you are not good enough, and much more.
Signs of a toxic family:
- They are overcritical
- They blame you for their behaviors
- They cannot go without an argument
- They cause you to be stressed or make you feel like you need to protect yourself
- They are threatening and use harsh acts against you
- They make you feel bad for not being around
- They guilt trip you
- They cross your boundaries
- They make you feel that you are reliving past trauma
- You cannot trust them
Steps to take to help manage family:
- Create a low contact relationship
This may be that you choose to only be around family for the holidays. Be careful, as this can cause families to become more toxic.
- Create boundaries for your mental, physical, and spiritual health
Creating boundaries is not always easy, especially with family. Boundaries are essential when around toxic people in order to protect yourself.
- Do not respond
Toxic family wants a response out of you, so they will want to argue and say hurtful things. Do not give them what they want to not be manipulated.
- Understand that you cannot fix them
As much as you may want them to change, there is a very low chance they will ever change. Change is up to them and not you. You are not responsible for their behaviors, and you should not make excuses for them, this will only hurt you more.
- Talk to someone that you trust
When we do not have family, we must create another support system. This can be a friend, aunt/uncle, cousin, etc.
Talking to a therapist can help us talk about what we have built up inside and how to better understand the toxicity. This can help us focus on ourselves and creates healthy patterns, even if that means cutting out our family for our own mental, physical, and emotional health and well-being.
Choosing to cut out our families from our lives can be an extremely difficult decision. Sometimes we can follow steps to help us deal with the toxicity, while other times going through the steps can help us make the decision to cut ties with these people.
If a family member makes you question your worth, you need to really think about if they are worth keeping in your life or if you need to work towards cutting them out of your life. It is important for all of us to surround ourselves with people that lift us up and allow us to feel safe.
If you struggle with a toxic family or family member do not be afraid to reach out to a therapist for help. Therapy can help us see what the toxicity has done to us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and what we need to do to manage and overcome this toxicity.
