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How to Help a Child Through Grief

         When experiencing a loss, everyone processes and grieves in their own way. This is the same for children and adolescents. If you know a child that is experiencing grief, let them grieve in their own way, but also be there for support or ways to help them through the grief. Grief can be very different depending on if it was the loss of a parent, grandparent, family member, friend, pet, etc. When a child is younger, it can be hard for them to understand the permanency of the situation.

They may need help understanding why the person has passed and that they are not coming back. Depending on age, the child/adolescent may feel like it is their fault or even become angry at the world for having to lose people closest to them. Providing support is not easy, it is not up to us to change how they feel or react to grief, but to simply be there as support and a safe space for them to express their emotions. At any age, children and adolescents experiencing grief can greatly benefit from some form of therapy.

Ways to help a child through grief:

  • Encourage the child/adolescent to express their feelings & emotions

Allow them to be open and honest about what they are feeling. Try not to hide emotions and let them know that being sad and/or crying is okay. Provide a safe and quiet space that they can open up and talk to you in.

  • Be honest about the death

Many children struggle to understand what “passed away” means. In order for them to not get confused, be honest and use words such as “death” so that they can better understand its permanency.

  • Give them time and space

Not all children/adolescents will want space, but some will need space to help understand their own feelings. Let them have the space they need, but also check in on them to make sure if they want to be alone or not.

  • Follow a steady routine

When someone passes away, it can create a lot of chaos. It is important to stick to a routine as much as possible. Children need to know that everything keeps going forward, and structure helps decrease the trauma surrounding the grief.

  • Help them to express their emotions through memorializing

In order to heal it is important for children to talk about the person who has died. It can be helpful to share memories, draw pictures, write in a journal, and even go through pictures of them with the person who has passed away.

Signs/reactions of grief in children/adolescents:

Know that it is not always easy on figuring out how to help a child going through grief, there is no right or wrong way to respond or feel. It is likely a difficult time not only for the child, but you as the adult as well. We cannot help them if we do not also help ourselves when going through grief. Plan activities to do together, like an art class, or even a yoga class. Even though it may be hard, go do things that the child used to do with the person who has passed. This can be their usual shopping trips or coffee runs, things that will help the child feel closest to their loved one.

Know that there is no timeframe for healing and that it can take quite some time, especially if it was a close person such as a parent, grandparent, or sibling. Work with the child on self-soothing and help them visualizes the happy things they experienced and will continue to experience. Although it is permanent, children have been known to see and hear things from the person who has passed away, follow their lead on this and support the process as best as you can. Therapy is a great tool to figure out how to help a child and adolescents going through grief. There are many forms of therapy to help such as talk therapy, art therapy, yoga therapy, etc.

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