With the weight of recent events in the world, it can be difficult to be positive about certain circumstances. We are constantly feeling the need to reframe and create more positivity instead of allowing ourselves the time to dwell on our feelings and challenges. It can be beneficial to have a positive outlook and attitude, but over time it can create toxic positivity. We all experience toxic positivity and more often than many of us think.

Toxic positivity consists of denying any negative emotions and always providing a positive attitude in unrealistic circumstances. Have you shared with a friend or loved one that you are having a difficult time with work and money, just to be told by them that you should not complain because it could be much worse?

This can be a form of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity also occurs when we ignore our emotions because we feel that this is the wrong thing to do. This behavior and thought process can become a harmful coping mechanism.

Genuine optimism is allowing ourselves to understand that not everything always works out or goes as planned. This can also mean that just because you tell yourself to look on the bright side, does not mean that things will magically work out. Genuine optimism allows us to be realistic with expectations and grow from experiences.

Optimism can consist of experiencing a painful situation or life event and choosing to use it in a way that creates meaning or new and helpful perspectives. This allows us to not ignore our emotions in any situation. We must understand and connect with our emotions on a deeper level. With toxic positivity things can feel forced, while with genuine optimism we can feel hopeful.

Toxic Positivity                                               

1. Try not to think of the bad things
2. There are people that have it worse
3. Just look on the bright side
4. I should not be negative
5. It should not affect me
6. I should channel more positivity

Genuine Optimism

1. It is okay to talk about the bad and how it affects you to know how to face situations
2. We all go through different things; it is okay to have your own feelings
3. It can be hard to see the bright side, but I will try to do what I can
4. Life has ups and downs, I should allow myself to feel all emotions and try to lean towards positivity
5. Even thought things affect me, I am still strong and capable
6. After acknowledging the situation, I will try to find the good

Ways to overcome toxic positivity

• Avoid and be aware of toxic phrases that we use. This can consist of, “just be happy”.
• Have the courage to be uncomfortable. It can be hard and uncomfortable to think and respond differently than we are used to.
•  Give yourself time. Nothing comes right away, it takes years to develop toxic positivity, allow yourself the time to create more genuine optimism.
• Do not ignore your feelings. This can be hard for many of us. Addressing and accepting our feelings may be uncomfortable but is necessary to learn and grown.
• Allow yourself to have a different outlook. We all have different outlooks on life, just because someone else thinks you should not believe or think a certain way does not mean that is the right outlook for you.

With toxic positivity life can seem black or white, positive, or negative. With optimism, we can acknowledge our low times, but use that to see the future as not just black or white. It is okay to not be positive about life all of the time. Allow yourself to feel and have emotions towards your experiences. No one else lives in your shoes, so no one else can understand what you go through completely.

We should be willing to change our perspectives towards genuine optimism and use less and less toxic positivity. If you struggle with toxic positivity and not allowing yourself to be more optimistic instead, reach out to a therapist for tips on how to accomplish this. It is not easy and does take time, do not expect that you must change this outlook on your own.